Ways to transforming Sorrow in Buddhism

By Tâm Hoa - 06/09/2018

Sadness or distress is a fundamental emotional attribute of humans. In specialized Buddhist terminology, sadness is akin to suffering: it is the melancholy, annoyance, discomfort… that we feel whenever we face difficulties, failures, or do not achieve our desires in life. As the ancients said, everyone cannot avoid "A time of sorrow."

The state of sadness is inherently a seed that is available and necessary for humans. Because sadness is a manifestation of life. A person who knows sadness is one who has awareness and reacts positively to the impacts of life. In fact, there are instances where sadness can give a person the willpower and strength to work, study, and achieve unexpected success. However, these phenomena are very rare. Most of the time, when we encounter sadness, we become weak, blinded, and sometimes act foolishly, such as losing interest in work, neglecting our homes, not taking care of ourselves, falling into vices leading to illness, and even ending our lives…

Recognizing Sadness

As mentioned above, human sadness stems from life's difficulties and exists in various states. There is light sadness, fleeting sadness, deep sorrow, and agonizing grief. Depending on the cause—whether it's longing, heartbreak, academic failure, or job failure—each person experiences different states of sadness. However, regardless of the level of sadness, if there is no control and no recognition of the sadness in one's heart to seek a solution, the consequences can be very concerning.

For example, the stories of students who, because of failing their college entrance exams, chose to end their lives. Or those who, due to heartbreak, fell into depression and addiction. There is also the story of an elderly man in the Western region who became seriously ill and passed away because he missed his wife so much.

These reasons for sadness are not worth leading to such tragic outcomes. Ultimately, the deep-rooted cause of our despair is that we have lost the ability to reflect on ourselves when faced with difficult situations.

The Buddha once taught: "The path is not in the sky, the path is in the heart," and only those who are self-aware will awaken. In this case, if we encounter sadness, we should not give up hastily. Calmly think to recognize the sadness in your heart: how it happens, how long it lasts, and what causes it. From these analyses, we can gradually realize what is right, what is wrong, and find appropriate solutions for our problems, avoiding the negative consequences as mentioned.

Think Positively

Once we recognize sadness, we believe that we have begun to calm down. The important thing here is how you analyze and perceive the problem. Let me share an anecdote about the scientist Edison:

Edison and his wife worked hard all their lives and saved quite a bit of wealth. However, one fateful night, while they were sleeping, their house caught fire. Fortunately, both Edison and his wife escaped, but their house and all their belongings were destroyed by the flames. Watching their entire fortune burn, Edison's wife wept because she only saw what was lost. Edison, however, remained silent and said, "Look at the fire burning. Because we won't get a second chance to see it." By saying this, Edison did not mean he was not sad. He was very sad. But unlike his wife, who only saw the burnt house, he also saw the blessing that they both survived, so his sadness was somewhat alleviated.

Thus, it can be said that in the same difficult situation, the way each person thinks leads to different actions and outcomes. Therefore, if you are facing difficulties or failures, try to look at the world around you and see that there are many people worse off than you who still manage to get through. More importantly, there are still many good things around you. There is the love of parents, the support of friends, and there are always new paths you can take.

If you fail the university entrance exam, be determined to study hard and take the exam again next year. If not, you can learn a trade, attend a vocational school, or work. If you are sad because of failure, think of it as gaining more experience and be more determined so you won't stumble again next time. The important thing is to accept the concept of impermanence in everything. That everything in life comes and goes, forms and dissolves, is inevitable depending on the circumstances and the law of cause and effect. Only when we understand this truth can we easily let go of everything and thoroughly transform the sadness in our hearts.

Participate in Constructive Activities

Many people tend to avoid sadness by drinking alcohol, using drugs, or even ending their lives. However, we all know that these methods are only temporary escapes. Drinking may make you forget, but once sober, you remember again. Using drugs may bring excitement, but in the long run, they cause illness. Even seeking death is only a momentary release.

The Buddha once said, "After life comes death, after death comes life," and those who choose to end their lives by suicide will find that their rebirth path is worse than the life they are rejecting now. Generally, people who engage in such negative actions are often lonely and lack a supportive environment to share their feelings. Therefore, to avoid negative consequences, we should not be alone when sad. If we are alone, we will focus on our sadness. To forget sadness, we need to focus on other things. Keep yourself busy: engage in positive activities like doing something you love, participating in charitable activities, or going to the temple to chant and meditate.

Positive activities help to distract our thoughts and prevent us from dwelling on sadness, which only makes it worse. Additionally, when participating in activities that help those less fortunate than ourselves, we often develop new feelings of love and sharing. This helps us realize that life is not just about our own misfortunes. Looking back, we may find that our sadness pales in comparison to the hardships others face.

Staying Calm in Every Situation

Maintaining psychological balance is essential for overcoming sadness in life. Only when we are calm can we see things clearly and act correctly. If we achieve this, we will always maintain clarity in all circumstances. Conversely, if we lose balance, whether happy or sad, we will be excessive. Too much joy can make us a laughingstock, and too much sadness can lead to despair and hopelessness.

Psychological balance is a trait that needs to be cultivated. We can train ourselves by controlling our emotions. Being able to anticipate different situations is a good way to practice this trait. The Buddha advises us to ask questions such as: If I go bankrupt tomorrow, what will I do? If my spouse betrays me tomorrow, how should I react? Or if I fall seriously ill tomorrow, how will I handle it?

Additionally, we can practice meditation daily for 10 to 15 minutes, or longer if possible, to balance our psychology and gain health benefits. Regular meditation combined with mindful and persistent practice will surely bring us inner peace in the future.

Source: Buddhist Blog